The Blossoming Of Our BDSM Relationship.

Tag: supervised masturbation

Friday, April 19th, 2013

Seven Days Of Edging

For the past seven days I have been under the special command of Master Member Rogue. This meant no masturbation, or orgasm,

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Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

Supervised Masturbation (Part Two)

As I’ve stated, supervised masturbation is difficult for me. Apparently I have performance anxiety.

This is one reason why when we travel together, Blackie will bring in a total stranger and order me to masturbate in front of them.

Sometimes Blackie will stand behind the seated man, who’s often masturbating while watching me. Other times, Blackie will stand behind me so that I cannot even find him with my eyes and find some respite there; a few times Blackie’s even left the room entirely.

But the worst is when Blackie brings in one of his business associates to supervise my masturbation — because then I know someday I’ll likely meet him again, and that man’s knowing, leering, smug smile will torment me.

Animated gif of Ultra Violett masturbating by Fuckmaker; found via S & M = Smoke & Mirrors.

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Monday, August 30th, 2010

Supervised Masturbation

One of the most difficult things for me to to is to suddenly masturbate — especially under supervision.

Maybe it’s a girlie thing, feeling so uncomfortable performing something so intimate and private under such scrutiny… Fearing what I’ll look like, what faces I’ll make, while he’s not preoccupied with his own pleasure, his own experience, is humbling to say the least.

But it’s also the suddenness of it all.

Washing dishes, coming home from work, putting the groceries away — and then, BAM! the order.

“Strip to your bra and panties, get on your knees and masturbate.”

This is unlike other orders. Orders to suck his cock, to assume a position for him to enter me, etc., I simply submit to his needs; my pleasure is irrelevant. But to summon up “the mood” and perform for him, with all the disquiet in my head — knowing he knows me and my body better than I do, and so I cannot fake a thing — well, this is not easy.

Image via Sex & Submission.

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Saturday, August 14th, 2010

Orgasm Troubles

Some Q & A from your favorite piece of T & A; this time a round-up of Member Masters questions about orgasms…

When you’re under a No Orgasm Order and another Master insists you come, what do you do? …Is it the first order you obey, or what?

My number one order is to do as Blackie wishes and he says my purpose is to serve all my Masters, so I’m to satisfy both directives; obviously this is not possible…

Like many of my tasks which are (or at least seem) conflicting, I do my best and take my punishments for those things that I fail.

In the case of No Orgasms, if I please the one who gave me that order, I then take my punishment from the one who I failed to please by not having an orgasm; if I have the orgasm(s), I please that Master and take my deserved punishment from the one whose rule I’ve broken.

And then, in any case, I suffer Blackie’s punishment as well.

But aren’t you then choosing which Master to obey — at least by taking the punishment you fear less?

Honestly, I can try that, but there’s two things wrong with that theory…

One, Masters know (and Member Masters are given) the ways to manipulate and break me… Most of my regular Masters — at least those who care to have me orgasm — know how to take or force my orgasms against my will.

Two, any failure to please one Master means I have broken Blackie’s Golden Rule: to serve and please any Master to whom I have been given. The consequences for that are not pleasant. So even if I could try to choose the lesser of two evils, I’m outnumbered and outmatched on all fronts (and backs lol).

So, in all honesty, I’m simply living in the moment, trying to do the best I can — and dreading the outcomes for failure.

Does that mean an order not to orgasm will automatically be broken?

No, not at all!

I do try to do my best, including informing Blackie, all Member Masters, and any Masters I might be serving during that No Orgasm Order time frame. While individual Master motivations and desires differ, some prefer to respect one Masters rule. Also Blackie himself may choose to assist such an order by enforcing it at home and by limiting my service elsewhere — and some Masters who insist upon a No Orgasm Order will also compensate Blackie for ensure such orders are guaranteed.

…But even under the most strident supervised masturbation and monitored use, I am a greedy slut who seeks a release and can become so over-worked from all her use and play that I’ll suddenly, humiliatingly, find myself in the throes or orgasm. It’s happened from just breast play on numerous occasions. (However it happens, I can assure you that I am punished for my sluttiness!)

So it’s never a sure thing, and that’s why denied orgasms and No Orgasm Orders are so difficult and even painful.

What’s worse: Being ordered to have no orgasms or having forced orgasms?

The worst is disappointing a Master and, therefore by having disobeyed Blackie’s Golden Rule, disappointed him.

Personally speaking, however…

Both suck. But, in general, forced orgasms are the worst — unless the No Orgasm Order is longer than a week… Then it’s really dependent upon everything else I’ve been tasked to do during that time.

I’m not trying to be evasive; it’s all very subjective and situational.

I don’t understand how forced orgasms can be such a big deal — I’m not even sure there can really be such a thing! Who doesn’t want an orgasm?!

Orgasms are intensely personal things. To have one taken from you when you do not want to give it is an extremely violating and usually humiliating experience.

Plus most forced orgasm experiences are not simply a matter of taking or forcing one.

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Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Protected: 9 Out Of 10 Days Is Still A Failure

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Saturday, May 15th, 2010

Member Master Confessions: Exploiting Resentment, Forcing Service, & Denied Orgasms

Member Master D.D. Tom has ordered this confession, in case others would like to learn a thing or two to exploit.

D.D. Tom likes to play with my tolerance levels. He likes to provide detailed descriptions of how I shall spend my days — and nights. He’ll control and limit my sleep; decide what, when, and if I’ll eat; make to-do lists of chores and corporal punishments — and masturbation sessions.

But D.D. Tom refuses to allow me to orgasm.

He likes me frustrated, tired, and more than a bit angry. He doesn’t mind my anger any more than he minds my exhaustion — in fact, he loves both. Does his best to bring it out in me.

He wants me to hate serving him, hate my helpless position doing what he says because I am bound to Blackie’s terms of service.

He combines the control of basic necessities with forms of mind control — trying to make me adopt ideas and ideals intolerable to me.

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Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

Punished To His Satisfaction

Blackie & I are both very happy that the UK Dom was able to see to his satisfied punishment of me last night, the details of which are as follows…

First, he made this slut masturbate her insatiable cock hungry cunt to orgasm and immediately upon orgasming, tell him the details of how I did it, how it felt.

It was easy to do, especially knowing that I was being judged and evaluated for my performance… Was my sluttish little cunt coming too fast? Because you know I came both quickly & hard. It was a wonderful release, both to have the pleasure of permission to come and to be following his orders to the letter after the agony of waiting to hear of his disappointment and punishment.

But this was only the first two steps…

Step three was repeat the process — and to “be sure to be fucking your little cock-hole as fast as you can when you cum this time.”

It was even easier than the first time; when I come, the more fucking and orgasms I want… Of course, I told him this when I messaged him that I’d followed his orders again. Those I serve must be told of my weaknesses — it is their choice to exploit, assist, or train as they wish.

Step four was to do it all again, but this time I was only to use my fingers and saliva, “if you need lube… (which I very much doubt).” Of course no lube was needed… I’m such a slut.

When I quickly brought myself to the third instructed orgasm in less than an hour, the UK Dom gave me the fifth step: “Step 5: this is the important part now…you have cum three times in less than an hour… so now, you will bring yourself to the point of orgasm WITHOUT cuming … you may only play with your clit and cunt, and you will message me once you have brought yourself to the brink. Let me make this clear – you WILL NOT CUM.”

It was easy to bring myself to the point of orgasm as instructed — but it was difficult to hold it back and not slip over the delicious edge that was just waiting, begging, for me to go over… But I managed to hold on and messaged him to let him know.

Then my phone rang.

It was He, and the sound of his voice…

Commanding me to masturbate my already soaked and wanting pussy — to the sound of his voice made me so slick… Before he was a (hot!) faceless looming dark figure in my imagination, ordering me about, but now his voice was in my head, giving orders, calling me a slut. Honestly, at that point I could have sat as still as a statue and just heard him talking, describing, and I could have come — again.

But of course I wasn’t allowed to.

I wasn’t allowed to orgasm or sit still.

I managed to do as he instructed, fuck my hot cunt per his orders and not come. Sure, I had to ask for permission to stop finger-fucking myself to maintain control. He granted it — briefly. I could tell he wasn’t pleased with my sluttish lack of self-control, but he was kind & experienced enough to allow me chances to catch my breath, avoid spilling over the edge — but not generous enough to make it easy.

For example, when he granted me permission to remove my fingers from my wet & hungry slit, he described his big hard cock dripping with pre-come, asking me if I wanted it… Of course I did! And he had me slap my pussy — which didn’t make avoiding orgasm easy when he’d just described his balls hitting me.

And when he told me that my cunt was his to use — making me say that my cunt was his to use! — I could barely contain myself.

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Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

I Fail, And Fail, And Fail Again

During my first few hours at NiteFlirt something went terribly wrong — my phone didn’t ring and I missed a call. No one knows why, but it happened. While the loss of points on a new account with no rating left me with a negative score, the real problem was that I failed the caller and therefore I had failed Blackie.

No good could come of this.

Extremely nervous and apologetic, I told Blackie about the situation. As expected Blackie was upset with me for not only had I failed to do his bidding but I had embarrassed him with another Dom. *shudder*

Whatever humiliation Blackie felt would be passed onto me. Of that I was sure. But he did not mention my punishment — yet. My first duty was to please the man I had displeased.

Blackie who instructed me to give the caller free minutes along my profuse apologies — but because the caller was from the UK, NF wouldn’t let me give him free minutes. So Blackie came up with a list of ways for me to make amends which I promptly sent to the caller:

“So I have Blackie’s permission to do any of the following — your choice:

* discount a call to $1 a minute

* “speak” with you via messages here at NF for a punishment

* perform a task for you at your direction post it publicly at my blog

* have you chastise/humiliate/punish me and I post it at the blog for all to see my shame and that your will is done”

Once that message was sent, it was sit back and anxiously await the reply.

When the reply came, it was with great trepidation that I, with Blackie supervising over my shoulder, opened the message:


You are clearly in need of chastisement, punishment and humiliation, all of which I will attend to in person when we DO manage to speak… however, in the meantime, with your Master Blackie’s permission, I require that you post an account of the completion of the following supervised punishment:

To be stripped and spanked (to a rosey pink) before being ordered to lie on your back, legs spread wide, for your Master to supervise you masturbating yourself to the point of orgasm WITHOUT being allowed to cum. Then, after allowing two full minutes without stimulation, you will bring yourself to this point again repeat this twice more. No orgasms will be allowed for a further 48 hours. All under Blackie’s supervision and with any suitable punishments issued should you fail. 🙂

Hopefully you’ll be able to answer the phone next time 😉

My compliments to Blackie,

(NiteFlirt User ID)

Nervously I babbled something about how the caller sure knew my weaknesses to punish me via orgasm denial — Blackie cut me off with a curt, silent nod and then he strode from the room.

He’d accepted & would oversee my punishment. But I didn’t know when… And his silence was cold and deafening.

Complicating the anticipatory anxiety for me was the fact that I’m, as mentioned briefly before, not as in control of my orgasms as I should be. How was I going to manage masturbating to the brink and stop multiple times?

But if I didn’t…

Too much was riding on this to fail again. I had to do it perfectly.


Blackie ordered me to strip & stand before him completely naked. You’d think I’d be used to this by now, but it always makes me nervous. Especially when he remains completely dressed, as he was. I stand not only physically exposed before his position of authority, but know that I am being critically evaluated — in this case, judged & found wanting, disappointing… It’s humbling and my knees go weak. But it wouldn’t stop there.

First, I was read the humiliating NF message. It was like being sentenced in court.

But the judge had his own thoughts to add too.

“You’ve been a complete disappointment to me, Pinkie,” Blackie began. “Do you have any idea of the insult you’ve given me?”

His tone told me that his question was rhetorical, that I shouldn’t dare to speak even an apologetic agreement. Tears stung in my eyes.

“I’ll carry out this man’s punishment, but know this is not the end,” he continued in an ice-cold remote tone that scared me half to death. “You will still have to deal with my punishments. Now place yourself over my lap.”

He knew that making me walk towards him was far more cruel than grabbing me himself. The six feet between us was covered in the hot coals of shame — and at the end of the painful walk was no respite. I’d be giving myself over to him for a spanking that would be, I could tell by the coldness in his clear eyes, anything but an erotic slap & tickle. I had metaphorically put myself in this position and now I would literally place myself there.

“Now,” he barked, breaking me out of my fear & shame filled stupor.

Slowly I walked towards him, and gently placed my naked self over his denim-clad lap.

“There will be no safe word for this punishment; you will take all that I give & you will remain still in my lap until instructed otherwise.”

I was shocked. Blackie had never said such a thing as “no safe word” before. Perhaps the most merciful thing that could have happened then (short of retraction or modification of the statement itself) was that the spanking began.

Normally Blackie’s spankings consist of volleys broken by pauses during which I flinch in anticipation only to be met by his laughter. And he usually switches sides and placement of the blows to keep me off balance, surprised, making what I imagine to be an art work of pink and red marks with the occasional pausing now and then to enjoy my bracing flinches — and to let me savor the sting of blows. But this time…

This time, he went to town on one spot — the top most portion of my right ass cheek. He repeatedly spanked as an angry parent might, with fury & dedication to the task. Tears began to fall from my face and when I yelped, he yanked me by the hair and demanded silence. Then he continued to hit my ass hard and fast. I couldn’t count the blows. When apparently satisfied with the color, he went to the left cheek and repeated the process — again, high on my ass, near my back.

When he finally stopped, he spoke.

“I think that’s more than rosey — and placed high enough so that when you spread yourself on the floor the scratchy carpet will add some additional sting.”

I continued to lay there, across his lap, breathing hard and waiting his command to place myself on the floor. But he had a last minute addition.

He began to pinch, hard, all along the spots where he had spanked me. I did my best to remain still and silent, but it stung badly.

“Now, slide off my lap and crawl six feet away from me.”

As I did so, I could feel his hot eyes focused on his handiwork — the burning gaze adding to the sting and humiliation.

“Stop there. Now turn around, face me, and assume the position on your back.”

Trembling I followed his orders.

He was right, the rough carpet fibers felt like little toxic insect fangs against my hot stinging ass.

“Start masturbating, you disappointing slut.”

I tentatively reached my right hand between my spread legs and began stroking my clit. It was hot and hard, easy to find — but slippery as hell with my humiliation.

Blackie remained on the couch watching. The look of scorn on his face made me feel like disappearing, like dying. I must have paused because he barked a stern, “Fuck yourself, slut.”

I vigorously returned to fingering my clit.

“Pinch that clit — there, that’s it, slut. You know you like it rough, you fuck tool. So fuck yourself rough — grab and twist your nipple too while you fuck yourself.”

The combination of shame, pain and his sneering commands brought me quickly to an orgasm. I didn’t know it — that I — was coming until it was too late. Horrified I began to cry while my hips rolled side-to-side and I moaned.

“God dammit, slut, you’re such an utter failure,” he said with disgust. “Thank God your UK Dom doesn’t have to witness your failure — but I do. And he will know of it.”

He stood up and towered over me. “Go clean the toilet, bitch. And calm the fuck down.”

I scrambled to my feet and headed to the bathroom to do my task. He stood in the doorway, watching me the whole time. When I finished he ordered me to stand before him again. “We will begin again.”

Once again, I stood before him while he read — with a tone of annoyed disgust — my judgment and punishment. He had me walk to him and present my still pink ass to him over his lap. He spanked me hard again, while I cried in pain & misery at my failure.

Once again I crawled away from him, under his hot gaze, to where I would lay and masturbate again. This time with different instructions.

“Stick your fingers in that wet slit, fuck yourself hard and deep with the anger & disappointment I feel. No touching your clit or your nipples, you dirty hungry slut.”

Still weeping, I set myself to the task as ordered. I didn’t fear orgasm, but rather feared that under the circumstances I’d be unable to bring myself anywhere near an orgasm. It would be a different failure, but a failure nevertheless.

But Blackie is right, I’m a dirty hungry slut and soon I felt my breathing change from the ragged breaths of a crying ashamed woman to those of an aroused one. Blackie laughed when I removed my fingers and lay panting — just short of an orgasm.

“Two minute time out, and then you fuck yourself again, slut.”

As my breathing slowly resumed to a more normal pace, Blackie eyed the clock. My cunt was pissed off — it wanted that orgasm. I knew that two minutes probably wasn’t long enough of a wait, even if it seemed an eternity spread naked at his feet.


“Nervously I closed my legs and worked them like a cricket, hoping I could both bring myself close to orgasm and yet stop quickly. But that displeased Blackie.

“You were instructed to keep your legs open, bitch.”

My legs few wide open and my hand darted to my clit, making soft circles — just a few until my back began to arch and I moaned loudly, withdrawing my hand, torn between the bliss of orgasm and the duty to comply.

“Jesus, you’re a slut,” Blackie said as he looked at the clock. “That was less than a minute — maybe I need a stopwatch for such a greedy whore.”

I said nothing, just tried to get a hold on myself. My pussy was throbbing, insisting that I finish what I’d started. But before I could make much progress at slowing my raging libido, Blackie was barking another, “Go.”

“Sir…” I began, “I don’t think –”

You don’t get to think, you get to do as you’re told.”

“B-but,” I said as I placed my hand protectively over my wet hot cunt, “I don’t think I can do this last one and not come…”

Last one? The way I read it, you got two more to go — or not go, as the case may be,” he added with a wicked laugh.

“Now fuck yourself, bitch. And don’t you dare come.”

I inserted my fingers and began to slowly fuck myself — I wasn’t just going through the motions so to speak, I figured it wouldn’t take much to bring me back to that sharp, pointy edge again. But Blackie didn’t see it that way.

“I said, fuck yourself.”

His words snapped my pussy alive, it sucked hungrily at my fingers as I groaned in the frustration of having to create another wave I couldn’t ride.

I was so close…

Blackie yanked me back from the edge. “Be careful, slut, you don’t want to have to start again, do you?”

I pulled my hand away and placed it on my stomach. I was getting lost in the fuzzy grey world of confusion and frustration — it was making me tired. I just wanted to sleep and either pretend this was a dream or make it all go away… But my Masters, for indeed I now served two, would had none of that.

“One minute ’til you begin again. And this time, you’re going to use this,” he tossed an angled vibe onto my chest, “you’ll rub that G until you’re about to squirt. I can’t tell what you’re moaning about anymore, but I can’t mistake your gushing cunt.”

Dazed I reached for the toy just as he announced it was time to begin again.

The toy buzzed in my hand — it sounded like the hive of angry bees that were stinging my spanked ass via the carpet. I inserted it and almost instantly I was near the top of the wave again —

Fuck, look at that!” he spat mockingly at me, “Just stick yourself once and you’re ready to blow! You’d better pull that out before you fail — again.”

I pulled the vibe out and braced myself, fearing any movement could set me over the edge…

“Suck the toy clean, slut, and get in the shower.”

I sucked it clean & then clumsily got to my feet. I followed Blackie to the bathroom and stepped inside the shower stall. He drew the curtain closed and turned on the water — ice cold needles hit my skin. The fog was lifted, the exhaustion passed and all I felt was the hard cold spray of water. And the hot smoldering hunger of my cunt.

“Dry off, you’ve got more work to do.”

I did as told and stood before a seated Blackie on the couch.

“Part of your punishment from me — for there will be multiple parts as you’ve failed in multiple areas — is that after the family dinner tonight, you will take phone calls for six hours.”

My refreshed head did the math — by the time returned from the family dinner, I would need to remain awake until 6 AM, servicing whoever might call.

“While waiting for calls, you will complete the following tasks,” he continued, handing me a piece of paper.

I scanned the paper quickly as Blackie got up off the couch and headed to the bedroom to get dressed for the family dinner.

Over his shoulder, he casually said, “Oh, and while you’re on the phone tonight, do remember that you’re to have no orgasms for the next 48 hours.”

There were four tasks on the paper — all of which made me flush with shame.

But I had to get dressed for dinner too, so all that would have to wait.


When back from the dinner, Blackie told me to take a shower & then head to the phone for calls. He gave me a kiss on the cheek & headed to bed.

While in the shower, I heard the door. My body tightened, wondering what he wanted… But then the door shut again. Maybe he just wanted to grab something he’d left in here.

When I got out to dry myself off there was a black full-slip — with a short note on it:

Wear this while you work — nothing else. A submissive slut should be easily accessible, but also allow strange new Doms the chance to order you to strip before them.

While waiting for calls from strange men to use you, first complete your punishment instructions from the UK Dom by writing up what happened today. Admit your first failed attempt. Then, should no one want to use you, dirty whore, proceed with my list of tasks.

Remember, no orgasms, slut; you’re still on punishment.


PS Do Not Fail

I slipped into the nylon slip and padded to the office. Sitting in the office chair was like sitting had been through dinner — uncomfortable being perched on an ass still tender from the spanking all these hours later. I turned on the phone line and while waiting for a call — nervously hopeful — I turned to the task of messaging the UK Dom to let him know that I had been punished per his wishes and was in the process of writing this humiliating post about it.

While writing, the phone rang. I did as the caller instructed, including twisting, pinching & sucking my own nipples — and asking for him to fuck me hard and rough. I believe I pleased him too. Both the being used and pleasing him (and Blackie by proxy) made my still-wanting-pussy throb… But I managed to control myself.

So far, so good.

Back to writing.

Until another call came in.

This caller made me do even more things to myself — including clamping my nipples and clit. It was all I could do to carry out his orders and not come — I’d already been so close so many times that day and my body was demanding relief. I just kept telling myself that I would not fail.

I. Would. Not. Fail.

But then he ordered me to orgasm.

Now I was stuck.

I whispered that my Master had forbade it (I couldn’t manage to get the whole story out, but it was the truth anyway you cut it), but the caller responded with a cold, “I thought you were supposed to follow my commands?”


Shit, shit, shit.

I figured the only thing I could do, the only appropriate response, was to meet this caller’s demands — even if it meant failing Blackie and the UK Dom. (Either way, Blackie was going to be pissed; I wasn’t going to be able to get out of that in any case.)

So I came, hard and fast. Twice.

And this caller wasn’t done yet.

He had me get a cup of ice cubes & insert them one by one in my hot throbbing cunt — I came again before the caller hung up. My cunt was happy, but I was left knowing that I’d be in trouble with two other Masters — and I had a mess from the melting ice cubes to clean up too.

After the clean-up, I emailed Blackie to tell him of the situation and then began to finish this (now much longer) post before the clock informed me that I could go to bed.


I was wakened this afternoon by Blackie grabbing my hair and coldly asking me to tell me what happened.

Groggy, I asked him if he read the email, to which he replied, “I read only that you failed. You will stand before me and explain the details.”

While I struggled to stand before him, he continued. “You didn’t think you could avoid your shame and not stand before me and admit your failure, did you?”

As I struggled with shame to recount the events of the night before, Blackie grabbed me by my pubic hair and stared into my eyes. I gasped and whimpered my failings & apologies. I should have stopped there.

But I added on a miserable accusation of, “You didn’t tell me what to do in this situation.”

He released his handful of hairs, the sensitive skin beneath slowly stopped stinging and released into a warm flush, and he stood up.

“You should have foreseen such problems; I did, but when you didn’t ask for orders… We have a very big problem here, don’t we…”

And he walked out of the room.

From the doorway he snapped that I had to complete this post, send a link to the UK Dom and wait for his comment. When done with that, I was to return to the bedroom and await his return — and his punishment.

And so I wait.

For two angry Doms to get back to me.

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  • Pinkie and Blackie…
    The colors of our love... Not just our shopping, but the colors that I as a pain slut prefer to wear...

    I am not called Pinkie because my coloring is naturally pink -- but I am naturally a pain slut, and love to be made pink from spankings & other physical abuse. Blackie likes to push those limits, give punishments which leave marks, welts, and, sometimes, cuts... Blackie also thrills to make me flush pink with shame, humiliation and arousal.

    He was called Blackie long before I met him.

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