One of the most difficult things for me to to is to suddenly masturbate — especially under supervision.
Maybe it’s a girlie thing, feeling so uncomfortable performing something so intimate and private under such scrutiny… Fearing what I’ll look like, what faces I’ll make, while he’s not preoccupied with his own pleasure, his own experience, is humbling to say the least.
But it’s also the suddenness of it all.
Washing dishes, coming home from work, putting the groceries away — and then, BAM! the order.
“Strip to your bra and panties, get on your knees and masturbate.”
This is unlike other orders. Orders to suck his cock, to assume a position for him to enter me, etc., I simply submit to his needs; my pleasure is irrelevant. But to summon up “the mood” and perform for him, with all the disquiet in my head — knowing he knows me and my body better than I do, and so I cannot fake a thing — well, this is not easy.
Sucking his cock while he reads the paper or watches television is so demeaning…
It’s like you’re just a tool carrying out some perfunctory task, an everyday appliance doing an everyday boring routine thing that simply must be done.
What I do may be pleasurable, but I won’t be looked at, let alone given a smile for a job well done. Hell, even his hand gets looked at every now and then when he masturbates, but while I service him like this, I might as well be the coffee pot or the radio.
Like those appliances, I’ll only be noticed when I’m not working right — and then I’d probably get the old horizontal-slap or a kick too.
PS This photo isn’t of me. I don’t even know where it came from; if you do, let me know so I can properly credit it!
I can tell you that as soon as you released me from the No Orgasm Order, I crept down to the basement and masturbated myself to several, including squirting. Since I am such a messy whore, my Master makes me masturbate on the floor in the basement, like an animal, in the dark. And I’m such a slut, I do.
As a lipstick submissive, I like my pretty shiny toys. But Blackie loves to use the simple, practical, and ugly clothespins.
Their shape and light weight lends themselves to multiple placements, to grip delicate skin in nearly any place, to repeated placements with slightly different pinches, and to the easy creation of zippers by placing them over rope and chains; they are cheap enough to keep bags full in every room, the glove box, luggage, office desk drawers — everywhere — and so cover as much of me as desired; their bite is good and strong enough, especially over time.
And their pure practical ugliness reminds me that I am not really (or always) worthy of pretty or expensive things.
Member Master Derek sent me this photo with the following note:
Spotted this photo and instantly thought of our last party – however, what I see here is a greatly missed opportunity. Your task is to tell me what you think it is – what would your just desserts be?
Master Derek has also told me to share this — with Master Members only.
Blackie’s introduced me to a man — a man Blackie says is part of my training because this man can and will force me to experience things that I will struggle with. It’s only been one (monitored, via speaker phone) conversation, and I am struggling. Greatly.
It’s not as simple as the flippant blog post title says. It’s not just a matter of vanity, or difficulty with something new; it’s the intense and specific philosophy this individual man has. …You might say that this has to do with this man’s particular “brand” of livestock.
Because all of this is new and raw, because much of this, I imagine, will be greatly controversial to many people, I’m restricting the reading of the rest of this to Member Masters only.
(Number one, this limits access to verified adults only; and number two, it should minimize any fall-out, including challenges of philosophical differences and “factual debates” regarding definitions, etc.. I’m not prepared to do anything of that nature. At least not yet. Not simply because this is “new” to me, but because my personal philosophy is that dominance and submission, be it relationships, role play, or unshared fantasies, are individual and personal; the only one to judge them is the one having them, or ones asked to become involved in them. And I’m still working on that.)
Frankly, I wouldn’t even be sharing any of it other than I am ordered to do so — both by Blackie and by this man. They want to read it. To assist them in their exploitation of my head, psyche, and soul, no doubt. And, as most of my lessons have indicated, to make certain that I understand just what I am agreeing to, if and when it should come to that.
Like being all dressed up for your dinner date and having to wait for your boyfriend, being stripped, bound and blindfolded, sitting accessible on display yet just waiting to be used can be quite maddening.
…It’s made terribly worse if you are waiting so and you can hear the movements and activities of others.
Life does indeed go on without you.
It drives home the point that you are nothing more than a toy, a diversion; that you have nothing better to do that just wait until he wishes to play with you.
This past weekend, Blackie & Marc enjoyed fucking my face — and because I’m on a No Orgasm Order (until tonight?), they made the most of the situation. Not only did they take turns exploiting the hole in my face, but they humiliated me for my wet, aching and needy cunt.
I received the following email from a new Master Member. Her name is Jodi, and here’s what she had to say:
Dear Pinkie,
I wanted to thank you for your blog and for allowing me to join as a Member Master. In my heart, I feel like a fellow “lipstick submissive”… But my lifestyle is very different from yours.
I have no Master — other than that in my erotic dreams. Which is not to say that I’m not happily married — I am! But he’s just so not into this sort of a thing. Asking him to spank me or call me a bitch would probably make him sick, or cry… And, if I’m being completely honest, I might too. I’ve never tried this stuff, but it sure makes me hot.
At night, when the kids are in bed, I like to read at your blog and masturbate, pretending it’s all happening to me. Sometimes, I’ll just get so excited & horny that I’ll playfully pounce on my hubby who has no idea what hit him — but he likes it!
It’s the best of both worlds, really; I get my erotic fix — and my secret sinful lust makes me feel humiliated for days… like those red welts and aches which remind you, I get hot just thinking about what I’ve done.
So thanks again for walking me through the whole joining at NiteFlirt thing and convincing me I wouldn’t be pestered there as a female user. Getting to see all the Bound Posts has me so shamefully pleased that I can barely express it — without a vibrator anyway lol
I probably won’t be calling or otherwise “using you” like other Member Masters, but I sure am happy to pay Blackie for the pleasure of reading about your use by others. (And who knows, maybe I’m a switch? lol)
The colors of our love... Not just our shopping, but the colors that I as a pain slut prefer to wear...
I am not called Pinkie because my coloring is naturally pink -- but I am naturally a pain slut, and love to be made pink from spankings & other physical abuse. Blackie likes to push those limits, give punishments which leave marks, welts, and, sometimes, cuts... Blackie also thrills to make me flush pink with shame, humiliation and arousal.
Maybe it’s a girlie thing, feeling so uncomfortable performing something so intimate and private under such scrutiny… Fearing what I’ll look like, what faces I’ll make, while he’s not preoccupied with his own pleasure, his own experience, is humbling to say the least.
