What follows is very complicated stuff.

Blackie’s introduced me to a man — a man Blackie says is part of my training because this man can and will force me to experience things that I will struggle with. It’s only been one (monitored, via speaker phone) conversation, and I am struggling. Greatly.

It’s not as simple as the flippant blog post title says. It’s not just a matter of vanity, or difficulty with something new; it’s the intense and specific philosophy this individual man has. …You might say that this has to do with this man’s particular “brand” of livestock.

Because all of this is new and raw, because much of this, I imagine, will be greatly controversial to many people, I’m restricting the reading of the rest of this to Member Masters only.

(Number one, this limits access to verified adults only; and number two, it should minimize any fall-out, including challenges of philosophical differences and “factual debates” regarding definitions, etc.. I’m not prepared to do anything of that nature. At least not yet. Not simply because this is “new” to me, but because my personal philosophy is that dominance and submission, be it relationships, role play, or unshared fantasies, are individual and personal; the only one to judge them is the one having them, or ones asked to become involved in them.  And I’m still working on that.)

Frankly, I wouldn’t even be sharing any of it other than I am ordered to do so — both by Blackie and by this man. They want to read it. To assist them in their exploitation of my head, psyche, and soul, no doubt. And, as most of my lessons have indicated, to make certain that I understand just what I am agreeing to, if and when it should come to that.