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Denial Category

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

Country Roads, Take Me Home

Blackie was so turned on by those photos of my ripe, round, ready-to-burst nipples, that he ordered me to prepare myself for picking him up at the airport by binding my nipples with rubber bands and to present them braless beneath a tight white tee.

Naturally I did as I was told. … But do you have any idea how long waiting for him to get off the plane was? Not only does waiting always seem long, but with men ogling your tits it’s twice as long… Then double it again when you factor in the pain of your tightly bound nipples.

When Blackie got off the plane, he was quite pleased with himself for the attention I was getting. He gave me a big bear hug — one part welcome, one part claiming his property. When I stiffened with the pain of having my bound nipples pressed so tightly up against his chest, Blackie mocked in my ear, “Not happy to see me? Or just too sensitive, my slut?” My deepening blush was his answer.

“To the baggage carousel — and other amusement rides,” he said grabbing my hand and half-dragging me along to match his big strides.

Once we got to the car, Blackie slid into the driver’s seat & doubled his pleasure by teasing both my tormented nipples through the t-shirt with his fingertips — his pleasure doubled again when such touches made me whimper.

“Time for a nice drive in the country,” he declared with a gleam in his eyes. I had no idea what he was up to until miles later he turned onto a stretch of unpaved gravel farm roads and began hitting every rut and hole with glee. I was forbidden to hold or otherwise prevent my breasts from bouncing & swaying. He needn’t take his eyes off the road to know of my pain, but he enjoyed the braless tit bouncing that caused my groans. If his driving was reckless (fast, eyes not on the road), things were only going to get more-so.

After a few miles, Blackie pulled over to the side of a long stretch of gravel road and told me to remove my shirt. As I prepared to lift it off over my head, I looked around nervously for a farmer or signs of humanity; there was none.

Not outside the car — not in it, either.

There, in broad daylight, he once again took great delight in using his fingers to apply not only touches but real pressure. He pinched and twisted ’til tears rolled down my cheeks. And he still wasn’t done.

He parted his lips — first in a big grin, and then in a terrifying gape as he carnivorously bent over my left breast and rolled the round red nub of nipple between his tongue and the roof of his mouth — and then between his teeth… Slowly increasing the pressure until he had a full bite. I went from moans and whines to yelping. His response was to bite it again & again, enjoying my yelps, and then slowly chewing along the hot bud, like he was savoring a fine meal.

Once satisfied with that one, he turned his attention — and his teeth — to the right nipple, abusing it as he had the first. Back & forth between the two he went until I was sobbing with tears streaming down my face.

He paused, sat still just looking at my face and for a minute and I thought he might kiss me, but instead he just stared intently into my weeping eyes and slowly reached for my agonized left breast, preparing to free the nipple…

He slowly removed the rubber band from my left nipple — I screamed.

Blackie unzipped his pants & pulled out his huge erect cock in reply.

Then he looked menacingly at the right nipple. My hands instinctively flew up to protect the nipple from the pain of release from the tight rubber band, but Blackie twisted the left one and growled, “Hands down, my cunt.”

My hands flew down, out of the way. (I was a surprised to find them there as he was!)

“Speaking of my cunt… How wet is it?” he said as his fingers dove beneath the hem of my short khaki skirt. “Now, just look at that,” he knowingly mocked, holding up two wet fingers full of evidence, “See what a slut you are? No sense in denying it now.”

He reached for and released the right nipple — to the same loud shrill scream & tears as the the other one had.

Rolling my left nipple between his right thumb and fingertips, Blackie lowered his head to my left breast and slowly sucked the nipple into his mouth. Accompanied by my gasps and wails, he continued to suck that nipple with great force while his hand exploited the other nipple… Rolls turned to pinches, pinches to twists, until the pain was so intense that my fight or flight response kicked in and my body bucked to get him off of me, to get some relief. Blackie’s response was to place both hands on my arms to keep me still while he turned his oral attentions to the left nipple.

My legs began to tremble and my breathing was rough, my mouth & throat dry, from crying & screaming when Blackie stopped.

As I sat panting, Blackie opened the car door. “Get the lube from the glove box and sit on the hood.”

Shaking and sniffling, I opened the glove box & fished out the bottle of lube, then scrambled to join him outside the car. While Blackie stood with his arms folded, his erect dick sticking out of his unzippered pants, I sat myself down before him on the car’s hood.

There, sitting topless on the hood of the car with sunlight streaming down all around me, Blackie removed his belt, folded it in half, and began to color my breasts pink.

First he concentrated on applying the belt to the tops of my tits, above the areolas. My hands gripped the tops of my shaking thighs as I fought to remain still, avoiding the impulse to get up & flee before he took that belt to my nipples.

I tried to concentrate on the rhythmic belting & tune out the hot stinging, but then Blackie stopped, stepped to his right to work over the outside of my left breast and my concentration was broken — just those few seconds and everything I’d nearly blocked out came rushing in. The heat, the pain… The fear of what would come next. I looked at Blackie’s face, his brow furrowed just a bit in concentration, but mostly he just looked pleased. I tried to focus on that — on how all of this was worth it for his happiness.

When Blackie stepped to his left to color the outside of my right breast, his eyes met mine and he wiggled his brows playfully before getting lost in his delight at coloring & marking my breast. In that moment he reminded me of a child who smiles and waves at his mother on the front porch as he zooms by on his bike. Such thoughts of his pure happiness might even have made me smile softly.

But it was a brief haven.

Blackie harsh command broke my reverie. “Hold your tits up, nipples, out — present them as gifts to me and my belt.”

The moment I’d been dreading.

I took a deep ragged breath in, placed my hands beneath my breasts, and lifted them up and out — and arching my back as I’d been trained to do.

Blackie was slowly rubbing his hard cock, looking at his handiwork on my rack. “I’m not gonna kid you, Pinkie; this is gonna hurt like hell. But it’s got to be done — I’ve been thinking of doing this for hours, including a long annoying flight. It — I – can’t be stopped. So sit still and take it, like a good girl. And remember, if you move, you might just end up losing one of those pretty nipples of yours…”

I nodded, biting my lower lip. And then braced myself for what was to come.

The leather belt hit my right nipple first and I jumped & yelped. Blackie gave me a minute to settle myself again before striking it again. “You keep moving like that and you’re going to loose a nipple,” Blackie warned. “You know I’m not going to stop…”

Deciding it would be best not to know when the blows were coming, I shut my eyes & tried to concentrate on remaining still with my bare breasts up & out to receive Blackie’s belt.

Blackie resumed striking my already tortured nipples with his belt, back & forth, right one twice, left one once, followed by a brief pause and then three swift ones on the left — there was no particular pattern or even a rhythmic pace. Just blows of sharp pain followed by the angry heat of my objecting breasts. On & on, it went, for what seemed to be impossibly too long, with the occasional barked reminders from Blackie.

“Sit still.”
“Arch your back, bitch.”
“Hold ‘em out there for me.”

Finally, when he’d had enough — of barking his reminders, not of strapping my tits — he ordered me to lay back on the hood of the car, placing my hands, palm down, along the sides of my thighs.

Shaking & sobbing I did as I was told, my bare back meeting the heating metal of a car in the summer sun. Laying back like this, the heavy weight of my breasts slid each over to its respective side, leaving their insides & my breast bone exposed to Blackie’s belt.

Blackie loomed above me & began to strap the too-white-by-comparison flesh into his desired rosy shade of pink.

After a few minutes he stood back, appraising his work. He scowled briefly, then grabbed me by my legs and slid me down the hood of the car so that the upper half of my back remained on the hood, forcing me to arch my back and strain to support myself with my legs. It was not an easy position to maintain. I shuffled my feet, trying to find a better, more comfortable, way to brace myself.

“Done yet? I’ve got work to do here & it would be better for you if you were still,” Blackie said, annoyance clearly in his voice.

I froze and hoped I could maintain the position as long as required.

Blackie’s left hand reached for & grabbed the swollen & too-slutty-not-to-be-hard-and-begging nipple on my right breast. I groaned. Fiercely holding that nipple, Blackie began to lift my breast up and back, towards my face, exposing the bottom half of my beast — the only milky part of it left. I began to writhe from the pain, but his hold was secure enough for what he wanted to do. With his right hand he strapped away in earnest, dedicated to making all of my breast (saving the red & raw nipple, now hidden in his hand) the same shade of pink.

When he was satisfied, he released his grip and my pink tit plopped down to my body, bouncing and swaying. Blackie watched it until it was became still — relatively still, save for my ragged panting & choked sobs which made my chest heave. Then he cruelly, but with purpose, grabbed the left nipple and proceeded to strap the underside of it pink while I sobbed and writhed.

Satisfied with the color, he unceremoniously released the left breast, placed the belt next to me, & pulled me by my arms into a standing position on shaking legs. He took his hands to the hem of my skirt & tried to hike it up, but it was too tight. So he undid the button, the zipper, and tugged it down my hips. I was now completely nude, except for my sandals.

“Sit on the hood of the car, with those legs spread.”

I turned and gave a little hop to sit on the hood, and spread my legs wide, with my sandaled feet on the front bumper.

Blackie eyed my bouncing pink tits hungrily & positioned himself directly in front of me, widening his own legs and squatting a bit so that his hard cock was near my cunt. With his hand, he slid his cock up & down my pussy lips, enjoying my wet slit as much as reminding me of the overwhelming evidence that I was his little pain slut.

“I’m ready for my tit fuck — where the lube?” he asked.

I looked around, in a bit of a panic because I knew I had brought it out with me — but it must have been bounced from the hood of the car while my tits were being tortured. My eyes scanned the ground until I spotted it and pointed, “There it is.” Blackie strode the three paces to claim it, and returned proffering me the bottle.

I flipped the top open, squeeze-poured a generous amount into my hand, and began to apply it to Blackie’s hard cock. Normally he closes his eyes and sighs a bit when I apply lube, but today, he didn’t take his eyes off my hot swollen breasts with their abused & begging red centers.

When I was sure his cock was slick enough, I went to put the rest of the lube from my hand onto my chest, like I usually do — only my hand stopped the minute I touched the angry hot skin. “Better put it on, Pinkie; the more lube, the less it will hurt… I think!” he added with a playful wink. As gently as I could, I wiped the remaining lube off between my breasts.

When I removed my hand, Blackie moved in. He stood before me, grabbed my ass and scooted me to the edge of the car’s hood and placed his rigid cock in the slick area I’d just made between my breasts. Then he grabbed as much tit as he could in each hand and wrapped the red hot pair snuggly around his hard cock. I gasped — then whimpered when I fully realized how much this was going to hurt.

Before I was just trying to get through all the pain Blackie was inflicting; but now that I had, it was clear to see that it was all just preparation for this — a very painful tit fuck.

Blackie pumped himself, slowly, in the slick tight swollen hot space he’d just created. He was satisfied. “Hold ‘em there, tight like that,” he directed.

I grabbed the red hot angry sides of my breasts and squeezed them together, groaning as I folded them around his wet hot hard cock. Biting my lip, I prepared myself for what I thought was to come next. I expected him to start pumping — and hard; but Blackie had other plans first.

He slide slowly a few times, “Press them hard, Pinkie; I want this to hurt. And I want to hear your moans and cries, or I won’t think I’ve punished them enough and will have to take the belt to them again,” he said as he started to pump a bit faster. I mashed my tits as hard as I could around his cock, wincing and moaning between jagged breaths from the pain it caused me.

Then, still thrusting, Blackie reached his hands, palms out, each just to the side of my nipples, and, using this thumbs, grabbed a hold of my aching raw nipples, pinching them between his big thumbs and the meat at the side of his hands. I gasped then grunted — and felt my pussy contract hard. Blackie dug his fingertips into the meat at the top of my pink punished breasts for a good measure. I groaned and let my head fall back, in full submission to whatever would happen.

Gaining speed with the thrusts of his cock between my sore tortured breasts, Blackie used the painful grip on each swollen nipple to yank my breasts up & down to suit his tit fucking needs.

“God!” he spat, then he lowered his gaze to my face and crooned, “I love hearing your cries, baby; I love how you hurt for me. You’re my good little slut, aren’t you?”

I managed to choke a dry whispered, “Yes, Blackie,” out of my sore throat, ragged from crying and breathing so hard.

His lips curled into that sold smile-sneer and he replied, “My little whore to fuck — right here, naked on the side of the road. Such a slave to me & my cock she’ll let me fuck her abused tits while she cries… Beg me even.”

To drive home his point, he twisted and yanked my nipples, making me cry out in pain, “Please, please, Blackie, fuck my tits!”

“Fuck your tits while you what?”

“Please, fuck my tits while I cry because it hurts so bad,” I cried.

“You know what? I think I will… You asked so nicely, it would be rude not to fuck your tits now,” he grunted. He continued to yank & twist my nipples, to fuck my tits to hard that I had a difficult time holding myself upright (I couldn’t use my hands to support me; they were mashing my breasts around his cock). But in a few minutes, I found myself moaning different moans…

“Blackie,” I panted, “Can I come?”

No reply.

“God. Please… Blackie?” I whispered.

Still no comment. Just his panting thrusts.

“Blackie — I –”

“No.”

I tried, but the prolonged & painful play had me so worked up. It was a huge struggle to hold it back.

“God, I’m trying, Blackie, but… But, Oh, God!”

It wasn’t a coherent question, but Blackie replied anyway.

“If you must, my greedy come slut; I’m not going to stop my fun just so you can control yourself. But if you can’t stop yourself, you’ll pay for it later…”

I had my warning, not permission, so I continued to try to hold back an orgasm. I told myself that Blackie was so hard, hot & aroused from all my pain & crying that he couldn’t last much longer… But I was wrong. He has great control in general, but I suspect that he also had recently masturbated to this fantasy… He was in no rush.

My body, on the other hand, was.

Fueled by pain, endorphins, reunion after separation, and shame, my body couldn’t remain on the brink — not without stopping, anyhow. And Blackie refused to stop or even slow down…

I battled against the orgasm, but eventually I failed. And it was all I could do to remain sitting with my breasts pressed tight around Blackie’s cock as instructed.

As if to taunt me & my lack of control, Blackie soon began to make those moans that indicate he’s close to his own orgasm. “Open your mouth, slut; I’m about to give you a load to swallow…”

I opened my mouth and waited two more strokes of his hard cock between my tits before he moved and I could lower my my head so that he could put that hard cock in my mouth. I wrapped my lips around his shaft as he pumped my mouth, once… twice… three… four times before he crammed it forcefully all the way in & shot his load, setting off my gag reflex — just enough to contract & spasm around the head of his cock but not to actually force out any of his hot load.

With his cock still in my mouth, I swallowed the bulk of his wad and then used my tongue to sweep for any remaining fluid before swallowing again. Then Blackie withdrew his cock, holding it near my face so that I could lick & suck it clean before he put it back in his pants.

“Good girl,” he breathed. Then he cleared his throat and said, “Get the lube, get dressed, and get back in the car,” before he got into the car & slid behind the wheel.

I removed my tired sore body from the car, retrieved my skirt from the ground, and stepped into it, covering my still dripping pussy. I grabbed the bottle of lube and returned to the car to join Blackie and get my tee shirt on.

While my arms were up over my head, Blackie reached over & twisted my left nipple. “But no stopping those tits from bouncing,” he ordered as he started the engine.

I braced myself for more bouncing along the ruts of the unpaved road as Blackie began telling me all about his trip. By the time we reached the city streets, we would have seemed like any other couple — unless you were able to notice…

My breath smelling like cum…
My face streaked with makeup & tears…
My red swollen nipples still obviously protruding from my t-shirt…
My cunt smelling up the car.

Blackie drove home, contentedly chatting all the way. As we pulled into the driveway, he sighed, “Ah, home, where I can get a proper welcome…”

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Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Quick Update

I hope this doesn’t affect you too terribly (and if it does, you know how you can address that issue!), but I will not be available for calls Friday, Saturday or Sunday because I will be traveling. I will be around tonight, as usual; but after that, calls (and blogging) will be on hold until Monday (with the Monday discount for members too!).

I’m working on a more “typical Pinkie post” to publish before I leave, but wanted to make sure I shared some of what I’ve been reading this week at other blogs…

Cosmo actually dishes on orgasm denial in the June issue. Sure, it’s not as “strict “as what we BDSM folks do to one another — and they discuss it in more vanilla terms — but still, it’s being covered in a mainstream publication.

And if any of you wondered about the male need to control sex in a relationship, here’s an interesting look at why he just might not be that in-and-out of you, ladies. (Reminds me of my early struggles to let Blackie lead.)

Now that you’re all educated…

How about a hot read? Over at Zen Fetish Ms Angela St. Lawrence has posted a hot story by Porno Person titled Dinner and a Show. Here’s a quick excerpt:

Forty minutes ago I left her alone in my hotel room. A half hour prior to that I was letting her in the door. During the interim I placed her collar around her neck. She stripped down and I bound her with a combination of plastic wrap and duct tape. Once secured, I introduced her to a rather nasty-looking knife. Ten inches long with a serrated blade. It looked like it could gut a bear, much less a petite twenty-seven year old brunette wrapped up like a sausage on a hotel room bed.

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Friday, May 8th, 2009

May Is Masturbation Month (And So Far I Hate It)

May may be Masturbation Month — a celebration of sexuality & self-love — but the way it’s being done here, I loath it.

Along with being humiliatingly forced to watch Blackie masturbate, I’ve been forbidden to masturbate. At first my sore breasts kept me from even thinking about it, but now…

And, as usual, Blackie has found new & cruel ways to exploit what I’m calling my Blue Ovaries.

After having been forced to watch Blackie masturbate as he humiliated me (one of several times that day), I was told to strip and then he cuffed me to a desk chair, tied each ankle to a part of the chair’s base (so that my legs were spread), wheeled out into the living room and made to watch porn — porn that I love — with him.

That would have been bad enough, but Blackie had to add his own painful, humiliating twists…

First he mocked me, talking about what scenes he knew I loved — where I’d be masturbating and how. He even came up and looked between my spread legs, commenting on the glistening evidence of my slutty shame.

When he grew sleepy, about 30 minutes later, he got up off the couch, switched off the porn, and placed a rope with a cowbell on it around my neck.

“Now, I’m going to bed — but I can’t trust that you’ll behave yourself…” he said as he bent and — for the first time in a week! — he fingered my wet slit. “Not this wet, I can’t, cunt,” he continued. “So, I”m leaving you here where you can’t break any rules — but don’t worry, I’m leaving you this bell. When you have to pee, you wake me.”

He stopped for a minute, had me suck his finger clean of my pussy juices, then continued.

“But I wouldn’t be too eager to wake me, if I were you… It might put me in a foul mood to be disturbed just for your stupid needs. You wouldn’t want that, would you?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Then again, I might not hear the bell right away, so don’t wait too long to use it either,” he said with a wicked laugh. Then he headed for bed, leaving me sitting in the dark, horny as hell — with a cowbell around my neck.

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Friday, May 8th, 2009

Protected: Torment Continues

Sleeping sucked; every time I rolled over, I woke up due to such sore and sensitive breasts. It reminded me of how much I dreaded another shower (even if it was cooler than the one I’d just had) — and wearing clothes. What bra could possibly be comfortable? So even though sleeping was horrid, I was dreading getting up.

===

I managed to make it through a cooler shower. I dried off and dabbed my tender breasts as best I could to minimize the pain.

I went to the medicine chest for what I imagined was my only hope for some comfort, Whoop-Ass Healing Balm. But the tube was gone — in fact, Blackie had cleared the entire house of any & all lotions and creams. No wonder he got up so damn early this morning.

So next it was time to suffer the torment of stuffing angry raw skin into bra cups. Nothing lacy (that would be unbearable!); something with large soft cups to snuggly hold them, so there’s be the least amount of rubbing from the bra and clothing worn over it.

If I solved my immediate breast discomfort, I knew it would only be a few hours until I met Blackie for lunch.

He’d said not to be late, so I knew he had something in mind.

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Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

Protected: The Most Humiliating Hurtful Punishment Yet

Blackie’s so angry at my earlier embarrassing failure with the UK Dom’s instruction that he hasn’t touched me since that domesticated kiss of perfunctory purity on my cheek before bed. Even though I pleased the UK Dom last night, I can feel Blackie’s cold anger & disdain growing daily…

I wish it was a hot anger, combined with a cock full of unspent come, which would make him mount me and use me for his pleasure; but it’s not. I think it’s my forced posting of my shame here which continues to shame him — even thought it’s not is fault in anyway; I and my services are a reflection of him.

But now that I have met the UK Dom’s task, Blackie has set himself to seriously punishing me himself.

And this is the worst thing yet.

To read the complete story, enter the password (or see Bound Posts for info on how to get the password).

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Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

Punished To His Satisfaction

Blackie & I are both very happy that the UK Dom was able to see to his satisfied punishment of me last night, the details of which are as follows…

First, he made this slut masturbate her insatiable cock hungry cunt to orgasm and immediately upon orgasming, tell him the details of how I did it, how it felt.

It was easy to do, especially knowing that I was being judged and evaluated for my performance… Was my sluttish little cunt coming too fast? Because you know I came both quickly & hard. It was a wonderful release, both to have the pleasure of permission to come and to be following his orders to the letter after the agony of waiting to hear of his disappointment and punishment.

But this was only the first two steps…

Step three was repeat the process — and to “be sure to be fucking your little cock-hole as fast as you can when you cum this time.”

It was even easier than the first time; when I come, the more fucking and orgasms I want… Of course, I told him this when I messaged him that I’d followed his orders again. Those I serve must be told of my weaknesses — it is their choice to exploit, assist, or train as they wish.

Step four was to do it all again, but this time I was only to use my fingers and saliva, “if you need lube… (which I very much doubt).” Of course no lube was needed… I’m such a slut.

When I quickly brought myself to the third instructed orgasm in less than an hour, the UK Dom gave me the fifth step: “Step 5: this is the important part now…you have cum three times in less than an hour… so now, you will bring yourself to the point of orgasm WITHOUT cuming … you may only play with your clit and cunt, and you will message me once you have brought yourself to the brink. Let me make this clear – you WILL NOT CUM.”

It was easy to bring myself to the point of orgasm as instructed — but it was difficult to hold it back and not slip over the delicious edge that was just waiting, begging, for me to go over… But I managed to hold on and messaged him to let him know.

Then my phone rang.

It was He, and the sound of his voice…

Commanding me to masturbate my already soaked and wanting pussy — to the sound of his voice made me so slick… Before he was a (hot!) faceless looming dark figure in my imagination, ordering me about, but now his voice was in my head, giving orders, calling me a slut. Honestly, at that point I could have sat as still as a statue and just heard him talking, describing, and I could have come — again.

But of course I wasn’t allowed to.

I wasn’t allowed to orgasm or sit still.

I managed to do as he instructed, fuck my hot cunt per his orders and not come. Sure, I had to ask for permission to stop finger-fucking myself to maintain control. He granted it — briefly. I could tell he wasn’t pleased with my sluttish lack of self-control, but he was kind & experienced enough to allow me chances to catch my breath, avoid spilling over the edge — but not generous enough to make it easy.

For example, when he granted me permission to remove my fingers from my wet & hungry slit, he described his big hard cock dripping with pre-come, asking me if I wanted it… Of course I did! And he had me slap my pussy — which didn’t make avoiding orgasm easy when he’d just described his balls hitting me.

And when he told me that my cunt was his to use — making me say that my cunt was his to use! — I could barely contain myself.  I squirmed & contorted trying to hold back the orgasm as I was ordered to do.

A few minutes later, when he again instructed me to slap my pussy — four times, that time — I panted that the slaps were bringing me too close… He mocked me with a “poor baby, I had no idea…” that made my already flushed face heat with a deeper shade of shameful crimson. Of course he knew just what he was asking of me!

I was allowed to suck his cock — I thought it would be a break, but as I sucked my sticky fingers clean in mimicry of his dick, I had to listen to him talk about his big hard cock and my slutty cock-hungry cunt. Several times I got lost in the heat and lust… Wanting desperately to hear him but unable to focus, lost… Trying to at least keep myself from my one true task: Not to orgasm.

I honestly don’t know how I managed to make it through that call without an orgasm — but I did.

Then I had to sit and wait by the phone, because he said he might call again. The anticipation of another call — maybe with the chance to orgasm for him?! — was nearly unbearable. The combination of sitting in such anticipation atop a hungry wet slit, throbbing & demanding its needs for a “missed orgasm” made me shake like a leaf on a tree.

Wait.
Wait.
Wait.

And then a message.

Well, I am pleased.

You may report to Blackie that, for my part, you have completed your assignment and that I am satisfied. Although, of course, it will be for Him to decide when you will be allowed to orgasm again. HAHA!

Look forward to speak to again soon pinkie (although it won’t be tonight) I am finished with you for the evening – you may sign off whenever you are ready, but just to be clear – no orgasm until Blackie decides otherwise.

My personal (and very intimate) frustration aside (I was so hoping I could come for him on the phone!), hearing him say (for now that I’d heard his voice I could play it back in my head), “I am finished with you for the evening,” made me groan aloud.

Such mixed emotions…

The frustration with being denied an orgasm, pride at having accomplished my task, hope to serve and please him again… And when he left such kind feedback for me, I thought I’d come with the pleasure of finally having pleased him and therefore Blackie as well.  The shaking resumed, and it reminded me that I’d have to relive all of this again in my required posting of it… Which posed the very real threat of my possible future failure to maintain the no orgasm policy.  Especially as I have no idea how long Blackie would command it.

But now I had to take this confused pleasure-ridden and pleasure-denied body to bed.  Only two hours until I had to get up for work — and comply with Blackie’s next punishing tasks.

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Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

I Fail, And Fail, And Fail Again

During my first few hours at NiteFlirt something went terribly wrong — my phone didn’t ring and I missed a call. No one knows why, but it happened. While the loss of points on a new account with no rating left me with a negative score, the real problem was that I failed the caller and therefore I had failed Blackie.

No good could come of this.

Extremely nervous and apologetic, I told Blackie about the situation. As expected Blackie was upset with me for not only had I failed to do his bidding but I had embarrassed him with another Dom. *shudder*

Whatever humiliation Blackie felt would be passed onto me. Of that I was sure. But he did not mention my punishment — yet. My first duty was to please the man I had displeased.

Blackie who instructed me to give the caller free minutes along my profuse apologies — but because the caller was from the UK, NF wouldn’t let me give him free minutes. So Blackie came up with a list of ways for me to make amends which I promptly sent to the caller:

“So I have Blackie’s permission to do any of the following — your choice:

* discount a call to $1 a minute

* “speak” with you via messages here at NF for a punishment

* perform a task for you at your direction post it publicly at my blog

* have you chastise/humiliate/punish me and I post it at the blog for all to see my shame and that your will is done”

Once that message was sent, it was sit back and anxiously await the reply.

When the reply came, it was with great trepidation that I, with Blackie supervising over my shoulder, opened the message:

pinkie,

You are clearly in need of chastisement, punishment and humiliation, all of which I will attend to in person when we DO manage to speak… however, in the meantime, with your Master Blackie’s permission, I require that you post an account of the completion of the following supervised punishment:

To be stripped and spanked (to a rosey pink) before being ordered to lie on your back, legs spread wide, for your Master to supervise you masturbating yourself to the point of orgasm WITHOUT being allowed to cum. Then, after allowing two full minutes without stimulation, you will bring yourself to this point again repeat this twice more. No orgasms will be allowed for a further 48 hours. All under Blackie’s supervision and with any suitable punishments issued should you fail. :-)

Hopefully you’ll be able to answer the phone next time ;-)

My compliments to Blackie,

(NiteFlirt User ID)

Nervously I babbled something about how the caller sure knew my weaknesses to punish me via orgasm denial — Blackie cut me off with a curt, silent nod and then he strode from the room.

He’d accepted & would oversee my punishment. But I didn’t know when… And his silence was cold and deafening.

Complicating the anticipatory anxiety for me was the fact that I’m, as mentioned briefly before, not as in control of my orgasms as I should be. How was I going to manage masturbating to the brink and stop multiple times?

But if I didn’t…

Too much was riding on this to fail again. I had to do it perfectly.

===

Blackie ordered me to strip & stand before him completely naked. You’d think I’d be used to this by now, but it always makes me nervous. Especially when he remains completely dressed, as he was. I stand not only physically exposed before his position of authority, but know that I am being critically evaluated — in this case, judged & found wanting, disappointing… It’s humbling and my knees go weak. But it wouldn’t stop there.

First, I was read the humiliating NF message. It was like being sentenced in court.

But the judge had his own thoughts to add too.

“You’ve been a complete disappointment to me, Pinkie,” Blackie began. “Do you have any idea of the insult you’ve given me?”

His tone told me that his question was rhetorical, that I shouldn’t dare to speak even an apologetic agreement. Tears stung in my eyes.

“I’ll carry out this man’s punishment, but know this is not the end,” he continued in an ice-cold remote tone that scared me half to death. “You will still have to deal with my punishments. Now place yourself over my lap.”

He knew that making me walk towards him was far more cruel than grabbing me himself. The six feet between us was covered in the hot coals of shame — and at the end of the painful walk was no respite. I’d be giving myself over to him for a spanking that would be, I could tell by the coldness in his clear eyes, anything but an erotic slap & tickle. I had metaphorically put myself in this position and now I would literally place myself there.

“Now,” he barked, breaking me out of my fear & shame filled stupor.

Slowly I walked towards him, and gently placed my naked self over his denim-clad lap.

“There will be no safe word for this punishment; you will take all that I give & you will remain still in my lap until instructed otherwise.”

I was shocked. Blackie had never said such a thing as “no safe word” before. Perhaps the most merciful thing that could have happened then (short of retraction or modification of the statement itself) was that the spanking began.

Normally Blackie’s spankings consist of volleys broken by pauses during which I flinch in anticipation only to be met by his laughter. And he usually switches sides and placement of the blows to keep me off balance, surprised, making what I imagine to be an art work of pink and red marks with the occasional pausing now and then to enjoy my bracing flinches — and to let me savor the sting of blows. But this time…

This time, he went to town on one spot — the top most portion of my right ass cheek. He repeatedly spanked as an angry parent might, with fury & dedication to the task. Tears began to fall from my face and when I yelped, he yanked me by the hair and demanded silence. Then he continued to hit my ass hard and fast. I couldn’t count the blows. When apparently satisfied with the color, he went to the left cheek and repeated the process — again, high on my ass, near my back.

When he finally stopped, he spoke.

“I think that’s more than rosey — and placed high enough so that when you spread yourself on the floor the scratchy carpet will add some additional sting.”

I continued to lay there, across his lap, breathing hard and waiting his command to place myself on the floor. But he had a last minute addition.

He began to pinch, hard, all along the spots where he had spanked me. I did my best to remain still and silent, but it stung badly.

“Now, slide off my lap and crawl six feet away from me.”

As I did so, I could feel his hot eyes focused on his handiwork — the burning gaze adding to the sting and humiliation.

“Stop there. Now turn around, face me, and assume the position on your back.”

Trembling I followed his orders.

He was right, the rough carpet fibers felt like little toxic insect fangs against my hot stinging ass.

“Start masturbating, you disappointing slut.”

I tentatively reached my right hand between my spread legs and began stroking my clit. It was hot and hard, easy to find — but slippery as hell with my humiliation.

Blackie remained on the couch watching. The look of scorn on his face made me feel like disappearing, like dying. I must have paused because he barked a stern, “Fuck yourself, slut.”

I vigorously returned to fingering my clit.

“Pinch that clit — there, that’s it, slut. You know you like it rough, you fuck tool. So fuck yourself rough — grab and twist your nipple too while you fuck yourself.”

The combination of shame, pain and his sneering commands brought me quickly to an orgasm. I didn’t know it — that I — was coming until it was too late. Horrified I began to cry while my hips rolled side-to-side and I moaned.

“God dammit, slut, you’re such an utter failure,” he said with disgust. “Thank God your UK Dom doesn’t have to witness your failure — but I do. And he will know of it.”

He stood up and towered over me. “Go clean the toilet, bitch. And calm the fuck down.”

I scrambled to my feet and headed to the bathroom to do my task. He stood in the doorway, watching me the whole time. When I finished he ordered me to stand before him again. “We will begin again.”

Once again, I stood before him while he read — with a tone of annoyed disgust — my judgment and punishment. He had me walk to him and present my still pink ass to him over his lap. He spanked me hard again, while I cried in pain & misery at my failure.

Once again I crawled away from him, under his hot gaze, to where I would lay and masturbate again. This time with different instructions.

“Stick your fingers in that wet slit, fuck yourself hard and deep with the anger & disappointment I feel. No touching your clit or your nipples, you dirty hungry slut.”

Still weeping, I set myself to the task as ordered. I didn’t fear orgasm, but rather feared that under the circumstances I’d be unable to bring myself anywhere near an orgasm. It would be a different failure, but a failure nevertheless.

But Blackie is right, I’m a dirty hungry slut and soon I felt my breathing change from the ragged breaths of a crying ashamed woman to those of an aroused one. Blackie laughed when I removed my fingers and lay panting — just short of an orgasm.

“Two minute time out, and then you fuck yourself again, slut.”

As my breathing slowly resumed to a more normal pace, Blackie eyed the clock. My cunt was pissed off — it wanted that orgasm. I knew that two minutes probably wasn’t long enough of a wait, even if it seemed an eternity spread naked at his feet.

“Go.”

“Nervously I closed my legs and worked them like a cricket, hoping I could both bring myself close to orgasm and yet stop quickly. But that displeased Blackie.

“You were instructed to keep your legs open, bitch.”

My legs few wide open and my hand darted to my clit, making soft circles — just a few until my back began to arch and I moaned loudly, withdrawing my hand, torn between the bliss of orgasm and the duty to comply.

“Jesus, you’re a slut,” Blackie said as he looked at the clock. “That was less than a minute — maybe I need a stopwatch for such a greedy whore.”

I said nothing, just tried to get a hold on myself. My pussy was throbbing, insisting that I finish what I’d started. But before I could make much progress at slowing my raging libido, Blackie was barking another, “Go.”

“Sir…” I began, “I don’t think –”

You don’t get to think, you get to do as you’re told.”

“B-but,” I said as I placed my hand protectively over my wet hot cunt, “I don’t think I can do this last one and not come…”

Last one? The way I read it, you got two more to go — or not go, as the case may be,” he added with a wicked laugh.

“Now fuck yourself, bitch. And don’t you dare come.”

I inserted my fingers and began to slowly fuck myself — I wasn’t just going through the motions so to speak, I figured it wouldn’t take much to bring me back to that sharp, pointy edge again. But Blackie didn’t see it that way.

“I said, fuck yourself.”

His words snapped my pussy alive, it sucked hungrily at my fingers as I groaned in the frustration of having to create another wave I couldn’t ride.

I was so close…

Blackie yanked me back from the edge. “Be careful, slut, you don’t want to have to start again, do you?”

I pulled my hand away and placed it on my stomach. I was getting lost in the fuzzy grey world of confusion and frustration — it was making me tired. I just wanted to sleep and either pretend this was a dream or make it all go away… But my Masters, for indeed I now served two, would had none of that.

“One minute ’til you begin again. And this time, you’re going to use this,” he tossed an angled vibe onto my chest, “you’ll rub that G until you’re about to squirt. I can’t tell what you’re moaning about anymore, but I can’t mistake your gushing cunt.”

Dazed I reached for the toy just as he announced it was time to begin again.

The toy buzzed in my hand — it sounded like the hive of angry bees that were stinging my spanked ass via the carpet. I inserted it and almost instantly I was near the top of the wave again –

Fuck, look at that!” he spat mockingly at me, “Just stick yourself once and you’re ready to blow! You’d better pull that out before you fail — again.”

I pulled the vibe out and braced myself, fearing any movement could set me over the edge…

“Suck the toy clean, slut, and get in the shower.”

I sucked it clean & then clumsily got to my feet. I followed Blackie to the bathroom and stepped inside the shower stall. He drew the curtain closed and turned on the water — ice cold needles hit my skin. The fog was lifted, the exhaustion passed and all I felt was the hard cold spray of water. And the hot smoldering hunger of my cunt.

“Dry off, you’ve got more work to do.”

I did as told and stood before a seated Blackie on the couch.

“Part of your punishment from me — for there will be multiple parts as you’ve failed in multiple areas — is that after the family dinner tonight, you will take phone calls for six hours.”

My refreshed head did the math — by the time returned from the family dinner, I would need to remain awake until 6 AM, servicing whoever might call.

“While waiting for calls, you will complete the following tasks,” he continued, handing me a piece of paper.

I scanned the paper quickly as Blackie got up off the couch and headed to the bedroom to get dressed for the family dinner.

Over his shoulder, he casually said, “Oh, and while you’re on the phone tonight, do remember that you’re to have no orgasms for the next 48 hours.”

There were four tasks on the paper — all of which made me flush with shame.

But I had to get dressed for dinner too, so all that would have to wait.

===

When back from the dinner, Blackie told me to take a shower & then head to the phone for calls. He gave me a kiss on the cheek & headed to bed.

While in the shower, I heard the door. My body tightened, wondering what he wanted… But then the door shut again. Maybe he just wanted to grab something he’d left in here.

When I got out to dry myself off there was a black full-slip — with a short note on it:

Wear this while you work — nothing else. A submissive slut should be easily accessible, but also allow strange new Doms the chance to order you to strip before them.

While waiting for calls from strange men to use you, first complete your punishment instructions from the UK Dom by writing up what happened today. Admit your first failed attempt. Then, should no one want to use you, dirty whore, proceed with my list of tasks.

Remember, no orgasms, slut; you’re still on punishment.

Blackie

PS Do Not Fail

I slipped into the nylon slip and padded to the office. Sitting in the office chair was like sitting had been through dinner — uncomfortable being perched on an ass still tender from the spanking all these hours later. I turned on the phone line and while waiting for a call — nervously hopeful — I turned to the task of messaging the UK Dom to let him know that I had been punished per his wishes and was in the process of writing this humiliating post about it.

While writing, the phone rang. I did as the caller instructed, including twisting, pinching & sucking my own nipples — and asking for him to fuck me hard and rough. I believe I pleased him too. Both the being used and pleasing him (and Blackie by proxy) made my still-wanting-pussy throb… But I managed to control myself.

So far, so good.

Back to writing.

Until another call came in.

This caller made me do even more things to myself — including clamping my nipples and clit. It was all I could do to carry out his orders and not come — I’d already been so close so many times that day and my body was demanding relief. I just kept telling myself that I would not fail.

I. Would. Not. Fail.

But then he ordered me to orgasm.

Now I was stuck.

I whispered that my Master had forbade it (I couldn’t manage to get the whole story out, but it was the truth anyway you cut it), but the caller responded with a cold, “I thought you were supposed to follow my commands?”

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

I figured the only thing I could do, the only appropriate response, was to meet this caller’s demands — even if it meant failing Blackie and the UK Dom. (Either way, Blackie was going to be pissed; I wasn’t going to be able to get out of that in any case.)

So I came, hard and fast. Twice.

And this caller wasn’t done yet.

He had me get a cup of ice cubes & insert them one by one in my hot throbbing cunt — I came again before the caller hung up. My cunt was happy, but I was left knowing that I’d be in trouble with two other Masters — and I had a mess from the melting ice cubes to clean up too.

After the clean-up, I emailed Blackie to tell him of the situation and then began to finish this (now much longer) post before the clock informed me that I could go to bed.

===

I was wakened this afternoon by Blackie grabbing my hair and coldly asking me to tell me what happened.

Groggy, I asked him if he read the email, to which he replied, “I read only that you failed. You will stand before me and explain the details.”

While I struggled to stand before him, he continued. “You didn’t think you could avoid your shame and not stand before me and admit your failure, did you?”

As I struggled with shame to recount the events of the night before, Blackie grabbed me by my pubic hair and stared into my eyes. I gasped and whimpered my failings & apologies. I should have stopped there.

But I added on a miserable accusation of, “You didn’t tell me what to do in this situation.”

He released his handful of hairs, the sensitive skin beneath slowly stopped stinging and released into a warm flush, and he stood up.

“You should have foreseen such problems; I did, but when you didn’t ask for orders… We have a very big problem here, don’t we…”

And he walked out of the room.

From the doorway he snapped that I had to complete this post, send a link to the UK Dom and wait for his comment. When done with that, I was to return to the bedroom and await his return — and his punishment.

And so I wait.

For two angry Doms to get back to me.

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Friday, May 1st, 2009

The Answer Is Denial — What Was The Question Again?

Denial has become the answer to so many of our relationship problems with BDSM that it’s hard to list them all.

Denying me, the pain slut, the punishing pleasure I seek is one way that Blackie keeps the upper hand — emotionally, physically & sexually — giving him all the power to decide what, when and where. Surrendering to Blackie’s whims & desires has me living in a state of near perpetual anticipatory lust — but that too is handled with denial.

For example, one of our regular activities is to watch The Girls Next Door. But the rules are quite specific. Before the show begins, I’m to make the following preparations:

* Get topless
* Set up a TV tray next to Blackie’s favorite spot on the couch
* On the tray, I place a glass of his favorite beverage, a bottle of lube & two towels

(Just writing this is making my cunt ache with nearly programed desire.)

When Blackie sits on the sofa, I’m to sit at his feet, facing him, watching him as he watches the show so that when he wordlessly unzips his jeans, I can get on my knees and give him head.

Sometimes he doesn’t unzip, but just absentmindedly plays with my tits… gently rubbing the nipples, occasionally pinching them hard… making me squirm with hopeful desire…

Maybe he will unzip, allow me to suck his cock while he looks at the blonds from Playboy, filling my mouth with his hot load but leaving me with my unsatisfied, wanting cunt.

Maybe he will grab my tits and tell me he wants to fuck them. I’ll lube his cock with my hand, slowly & lovingly, until he tells me to stop. Then he’ll smash them around his hard cock and massage my big breasts roughly to his own orgasm.

Sometimes, he just cruelly pinch-holds the nipples and has me press my breasts around his cock while he thrusts away until he sprays his hot happiness on my tits — while my pussy throbs with wishes that it had the friction, thrusting and spray.

And when he’s done, I just have to sit there at his feet.

I’m emotionally happy that I’ve served him — but physically I’m left aching and wanting. I’ve not just been denied orgasm, but any attention or pleasure I’ve received was the accidental byproduct of his own pleasure.

On rare occasions though, I am fucked during the show.

If he’s in the mood, he’ll yank me by the hair away from sucking his hard cock or take his hard cock away from my breasts and bark a position for me to take. Usually when this occurs, I’m so hot, wet and horny that my orgasm is nearly instant.

For this I am mocked & humiliated.

I’m a dirty eager slut.
I’m a wet whore.
I’m nothing but a cum-bucket.
I exist solely to be his fuck object — and everyone knows it.

And quite often, because he knows how easy I am, before he mounts me he’ll tell me I am not allowed to come until (meaning “if and when”) he tells me otherwise.

Denying me orgasm is his order, but I cannot always manage to hold it back.

It’s my shame.

I’ve tried to explain that it’s because he turns me on so, that I love him so much, that it’s not my fault that his big hard cock brings me to orgasm so easily (and multiple times). But Blackie won’t accept that. He’s given me an order and I have failed to carry it out.

It’s my shame that I’m such a lusty hole that I’m unable to follow his orders.

And for displeasing him I’ll be punished. Not with spankings, tit whippings or even a clamp on my clit; I’m punished with denial. And not just the denial of beautiful searing pain which sends my pussy into a frenzy either.

The next time The Girls Next Door is on (or another time of Blackie’s choice), I know that because I’ve failed him I won’t deserve to be penetrated. I’ll be back in that position at his feet, only allowed to service him and swallow his seed or wear it on my chest, and not have my pussy fed.

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Monday, April 27th, 2009

I’m A Pain Slut

Making me come has always been easy for Blackie — at least I feel he’s always played me like a fiddle, plucking my strings, until I sing over & over & over again. Once we both discovered what a pain slut I am, it only became easier.

Sure, at first it was a tentative exploration of what was pain that brought an immediate pleasure response, what was pain that hurt at the time yet left me with a sensitivity that made me both remember the pain & the sex and so made me crave more, and what was just plain old pain. But pretty quickly it became clear that what didn’t fall into the first category fell into the second — and that anything that might fall into the third was probably something dangerous to the point of stupidity anyway. So it was pretty much all good from where I sat (on my pink bottom!).

Most people (who can at least wrap their minds around the pain as pleasure sexual response) think that pain is a natural part of dominance and submission. It sure seems logical. But whatever assumptions Blackie and I made about the easy marriage between pain sluts and dominance were quickly challenged.

Because I wanted to be spanked, whipped, paddled, pinched, bound, clamped & mouse-trapped — and doing so only made me a horny slut nearly humping (wet, not dry!) on his pant leg — we found ourselves in the situation with me begging and whining, and, yes, even demanding, more punishments, fucking and sexual attentions rather than having Blackie dictating & directing… And what could the consequences of such inappropriate behaviors be if safe & sane punishment was what I sought?

We were left with the very simple question: What is to be my punishment if I am such a pain slut?

The answer was denial.

Part of our experiments in collaring taught me to accept that whining, begging and asking would only further delay what I wanted… I had to learn to accept — and therefore really discover — the joys of the delicious ambiguity of submitting to Blackie’s whims & desires.  Learning that denial could be not only be a punishment (not having “my abuse,” as I call it), but keep me hovering in the tipsy state of aroused anticipation is opening a whole new world for us.

To Be Continued

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