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The Foreshadowing Of Big Breast Abuse

Back when Blackie & I were dating — in that early stage of infatuation & insecurity — I teased him with an observation about the other women I’d seen him out with. Most of them were members of the itty-bitty-tittie-committee, and I, well, I have 36Es. So my teasing was as much about being reassured that he found me attractive, even if I feared I wasn’t his usual “type.”

I distinctly remember saying to him, “Well, you clearly subscribe to the ‘More than a mouthful is wasted’ philosophy… So I guess my ample charms are, if not an actual waste, wasted on you.”

I also distinctly remember his reply. “I assure you they are desired in equally ample proportion — and they certainly will not go to waste.”

At the time, my ego delightfully wrapped it around me as warm reassurance that he found me sexy. But now, I’ve come to understand that he meant that literally: No part of my breasts shall be wasted, no small space shall go without it’s attentions, use & abuse.

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