Saynine’s This Isn’t Play. . . BDSM and Rape has much to think about — for me and anyone else interested in rough sex, exploring power exchange, etc.
However when does a violated limit become rape? Is it rape if someone expresses a limit against ejaculating on their face and it is violated? If someone is bound and pissed on after negotiating no watersports? Being called a filthy cunt when Humiliation has been excluded? When is an exceeded limit rape? My arrogance tells me always, however I wonder if I have, or could ever unintentionally dip a toe over a foul line. Am I then guilty of moral or criminal violation? I simply do not know.
I’ve put my consent in Blackie’s hands, but now that He has turned that over to Marc as well these issues of limits continue to pop up.
Some would say that our “play” has gone too extreme by virtue of my consent being given over to another; others would say it went too far when the one I give my consent to passed it along to another. I’ve struggled with this myself, this difficulty in balancing fantasy and desires with safety and practical real life matters… Playing with what is hot and feeling like you may just be burned — and it’s not easy to walk away from because it’s so intoxicating.
The basis of my foundational relationship with Blackie — the one that everyone at our marriage ceremony saw — is still love and respect. But within and around this is a fundamental power exchange which, while mainly regulated to “the bed room,” is nearly inseparable. To pretend otherwise is to be an idiot. And I am not an idiot. (Being a submissive no more equals being an idiot than being a Master equals being intelligent; don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.)
The questions and issues presented in Saynine’s post are things we mentally chew on here — on a daily basis. And we talk about them as we can articulate them. Along with the knowledge that others are exploring such things too, what’s been most helpful for me in reading Saynine’s post and the comments is the ability to move outside of my own situation, my own complicated emotions, and look at things more intellectually.
Sometimes the pure and simple “principal of the thing” attitude goes a long way.
Tags: BDSM relationships, pain not pleasure, Pinkie and Blackie history, rape fantasies, safety is more than a safe word, serving
