Denial has become the answer to so many of our relationship problems with BDSM that it’s hard to list them all.
Denying me, the pain slut, the punishing pleasure I seek is one way that Blackie keeps the upper hand — emotionally, physically & sexually — giving him all the power to decide what, when and where. Surrendering to Blackie’s whims & desires has me living in a state of near perpetual anticipatory lust — but that too is handled with denial.
For example, one of our regular activities is to watch The Girls Next Door. But the rules are quite specific. Before the show begins, I’m to make the following preparations:
* Get topless
* Set up a TV tray next to Blackie’s favorite spot on the couch
* On the tray, I place a glass of his favorite beverage, a bottle of lube & two towels
(Just writing this is making my cunt ache with nearly programed desire.)
When Blackie sits on the sofa, I’m to sit at his feet, facing him, watching him as he watches the show so that when he wordlessly unzips his jeans, I can get on my knees and give him head.
Sometimes he doesn’t unzip, but just absentmindedly plays with my tits… gently rubbing the nipples, occasionally pinching them hard… making me squirm with hopeful desire…
Maybe he will unzip, allow me to suck his cock while he looks at the blonds from Playboy, filling my mouth with his hot load but leaving me with my unsatisfied, wanting cunt.
Maybe he will grab my tits and tell me he wants to fuck them. I’ll lube his cock with my hand, slowly & lovingly, until he tells me to stop. Then he’ll smash them around his hard cock and massage my big breasts roughly to his own orgasm.
Sometimes, he just cruelly pinch-holds the nipples and has me press my breasts around his cock while he thrusts away until he sprays his hot happiness on my tits — while my pussy throbs with wishes that it had the friction, thrusting and spray.
And when he’s done, I just have to sit there at his feet.
I’m emotionally happy that I’ve served him — but physically I’m left aching and wanting. I’ve not just been denied orgasm, but any attention or pleasure I’ve received was the accidental byproduct of his own pleasure.
On rare occasions though, I am fucked during the show.
If he’s in the mood, he’ll yank me by the hair away from sucking his hard cock or take his hard cock away from my breasts and bark a position for me to take. Usually when this occurs, I’m so hot, wet and horny that my orgasm is nearly instant.
For this I am mocked & humiliated.
I’m a dirty eager slut.
I’m a wet whore.
I’m nothing but a cum-bucket.
I exist solely to be his fuck object — and everyone knows it.
And quite often, because he knows how easy I am, before he mounts me he’ll tell me I am not allowed to come until (meaning “if and when”) he tells me otherwise.
Denying me orgasm is his order, but I cannot always manage to hold it back.
It’s my shame.
I’ve tried to explain that it’s because he turns me on so, that I love him so much, that it’s not my fault that his big hard cock brings me to orgasm so easily (and multiple times). But Blackie won’t accept that. He’s given me an order and I have failed to carry it out.
It’s my shame that I’m such a lusty hole that I’m unable to follow his orders.
And for displeasing him I’ll be punished. Not with spankings, tit whippings or even a clamp on my clit; I’m punished with denial. And not just the denial of beautiful searing pain which sends my pussy into a frenzy either.
The next time The Girls Next Door is on (or another time of Blackie’s choice), I know that because I’ve failed him I won’t deserve to be penetrated. I’ll be back in that position at his feet, only allowed to service him and swallow his seed or wear it on my chest, and not have my pussy fed.
Tags: BDSM relationships, orgasm denial, power play, serving
[...] the anticipatory anxiety for me was the fact that I’m, as mentioned briefly before, not as in control of my orgasms as I should be. How was I going to manage masturbating to the [...]